[ Her eyes widen in shock. Her sisters both hate and hated each other, but their circumstances are as twisted as the emotions that gave birth to them. Humans are terrible and can be just as, if not more terrible than she and her sisters, but she knows Toi wanted to save him.
This human that apparently was going to shoot him.
Her anger boils and freezes within her, cracking like glaciers and crashing like tsunamis within her. ]
Why would someone you want to save want to do that to you.
[ Why would he want to save someone who would do that to him. ]
After our parents died, there was this thing he started to say. Bad people are the ones who survive in this world. I didn't understand what he meant at first, other than that he probably wasn't the same brother I knew before.
[ toi was a child, even more than he is now, and whatever drama had been going on with his family had gone unnoticed until it was too late. ]
... but then he threw everything away for me, so I decided that I'll understand for him. And that nothing else would matter, as long as I could help him.
[ he'll throw away his dreams, his friends-- as long as he had his brother, it'll be alright. ]
A lot of stuff happened, I guess. I must have disappointed him, or he realized I'd get in his way.
[ Something cracks within Meltryllis. The way he feels about his brother... it's not unlike how she feels about very specific people, so it's not like she can't understand. It's not like she doesn't understand. She does, deeply and truly.
The difference is she knows that person, those people she'd do anything for wouldn't shoot her with a gun.
She points sharply at the letters. ]
Every forsaken emoji letter was from me. [ Every letter from the graveyard addressed to Toi was from Meltryllis and Meltryllis alone. That's how much she thought of him. Phoenix and Anya weren't wrong. ] If he would point a weapon at you instead of be your weapon, he is in the wrong.
He does not deserve you. He does not deserve what you want to do for him. Not anymore.
[ She knows his heart is likely broken from what his brother did, but she is too livid to be more kind. She has never been kind in the first place and she probably will never be, but what she does is do all she can for the people she loves. ]
[ the thing is, she knows that she's right. galo had seen the memory, and he told him the same thing, more or less. that chikai wasn't a good person no mater how much toi loved him.
it's why he started to cry. because he spent weeks here, surviving and trying to figure outa way out with everyone else, while trying to figure out what would he even do when he went back. and then meltryllis showed up, and that affection made things better, even if just for a moment. ]
... it's going to take a while to get used to that.
[ it's the best he can say, that he understands that she's right, but actually being able to come to terms with it might take a while. ]
[ It doesn't matter to Meltryllis if Chikai is a terrible person. What matters is if Chikai is terrible to Toi. She and her sisters could've killed each other at any time, and none of them would've cared once upon a time. It's different for Toi, though. She can tell.
She watches him for a moment before she strides into his closet to find any gloves he might own. She comes back out and shakes her sleeves back to reveal her hands and slipping his gloves over them.
She holds them both out to Toi. ]
I don't know if you could tell when we connected, but I can't feel much. I especially can't feel anything in my hands. They're my weakness.
[ They lack the sensitivity, the finesse, the delicacy and deadliness that she exacts with everything she tries and wants to do. It's a vulnerability, and it's why she covers them.
But it's also why handholds are worth more than any other form of affection for her. ]
[ but it's difficult. things always go wrong. it's easier to stay by yourself, because that way you can keep from being disappointed again and again.
he looks down at her hands. it's probably even worse now, since she isn't really solid in this form. but it's better than the alternative, which was her not being here at all. so toi reaches out, gently taking her now gloved hands in his. ]
[ Affections washes over her expression. All the airs she puts on really aren't airs because her pride in herself is unshakable, but that doesn't mean she won't have frustrations.
It doesn't mean she isn't aware of what she doesn't have. ]
I don't think it's wrong if you still love him and if you want to keep the memory of what you love of him in your heart. Your love isn't wrong.
[ people wanting to kill or hurt chikai isn't new to toi, and in some way it's toi's fault that they do. but... in this case, it's for a reason that's not motivated for something bad.
he isn't sure how he feels about that. toi decides that he doesn't want them to meet either. because for as bad as it has been, he doesn't want to his brother to get hurt. ]
It'll be okay. Everything that's been happening here has been a distraction from that, at least.
[ he can't call it a good distraction because murdergames fucking suck but
Servants are summoned. Usually, humans need a catalyst, something that represents that myth or legend. A piece of the Round Table for Gawain or Tristan, a necklace given to his wife for Ramesses II, something like that.
[ She's not that quite that typical, so she doesn't have anything that will guarantee her summoning. ]
But the things that you know about me, that you think represent me.... that will help. I'll answer you.
[ he remembers people talking about trying to make sure everyone might still be able to see, or at least talk, to each other when this is over. toi always brushed the topic off when it came up, since he never considered it an option for him.
this is the first time he actually considers it. ]
I'll try. I'll try not to be a kappa when it happens.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ you know, as brothers do ]
... so, I was just surprised when you did that.
[ he knows that both points probably seem unrelated but ]
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This human that apparently was going to shoot him.
Her anger boils and freezes within her, cracking like glaciers and crashing like tsunamis within her. ]
Why would someone you want to save want to do that to you.
[ Why would he want to save someone who would do that to him. ]
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[ toi was a child, even more than he is now, and whatever drama had been going on with his family had gone unnoticed until it was too late. ]
... but then he threw everything away for me, so I decided that I'll understand for him. And that nothing else would matter, as long as I could help him.
[ he'll throw away his dreams, his friends-- as long as he had his brother, it'll be alright. ]
A lot of stuff happened, I guess. I must have disappointed him, or he realized I'd get in his way.
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The difference is she knows that person, those people she'd do anything for wouldn't shoot her with a gun.
She points sharply at the letters. ]
Every forsaken emoji letter was from me. [ Every letter from the graveyard addressed to Toi was from Meltryllis and Meltryllis alone. That's how much she thought of him. Phoenix and Anya weren't wrong. ] If he would point a weapon at you instead of be your weapon, he is in the wrong.
He does not deserve you. He does not deserve what you want to do for him. Not anymore.
[ She knows his heart is likely broken from what his brother did, but she is too livid to be more kind. She has never been kind in the first place and she probably will never be, but what she does is do all she can for the people she loves. ]
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it's why he started to cry. because he spent weeks here, surviving and trying to figure outa way out with everyone else, while trying to figure out what would he even do when he went back. and then meltryllis showed up, and that affection made things better, even if just for a moment. ]
... it's going to take a while to get used to that.
[ it's the best he can say, that he understands that she's right, but actually being able to come to terms with it might take a while. ]
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She watches him for a moment before she strides into his closet to find any gloves he might own. She comes back out and shakes her sleeves back to reveal her hands and slipping his gloves over them.
She holds them both out to Toi. ]
I don't know if you could tell when we connected, but I can't feel much. I especially can't feel anything in my hands. They're my weakness.
[ They lack the sensitivity, the finesse, the delicacy and deadliness that she exacts with everything she tries and wants to do. It's a vulnerability, and it's why she covers them.
But it's also why handholds are worth more than any other form of affection for her. ]
But I want to connect with them.
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[ but it's difficult. things always go wrong. it's easier to stay by yourself, because that way you can keep from being disappointed again and again.
he looks down at her hands. it's probably even worse now, since she isn't really solid in this form. but it's better than the alternative, which was her not being here at all. so toi reaches out, gently taking her now gloved hands in his. ]
Doesn't feel very weak.
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It doesn't mean she isn't aware of what she doesn't have. ]
I don't think it's wrong if you still love him and if you want to keep the memory of what you love of him in your heart. Your love isn't wrong.
[ But he should think of himself. ]
It would be best if I never meet him.
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[ people wanting to kill or hurt chikai isn't new to toi, and in some way it's toi's fault that they do. but... in this case, it's for a reason that's not motivated for something bad.
he isn't sure how he feels about that. toi decides that he doesn't want them to meet either. because for as bad as it has been, he doesn't want to his brother to get hurt. ]
It'll be okay. Everything that's been happening here has been a distraction from that, at least.
[ he can't call it a good distraction because murdergames fucking suck but
he has less time to be sad about it. ]
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If you ever want to see me again after this, I gave you clues.
[ In her letters that are terrible to read. ]
Here's another one: I'm made with the powers of three goddesses. Artemis, Saraswati, Leviathan.
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but he squeezes back, softly. even if she can't feel it she should at least be able to tell it's what he's doing. ]
Artemis is the Greek one, right? And Leviathan is from the sea...
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She can tell. She can see, and it's the gesture that matters. Her expression softens. ]
Yeah. Saraswati is Hindu. That's why revealing my name doesn't matter. It's those three deities that tell people what I can do.
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he knows it means a lot, that she's telling him this. ]
Knowing this can help me see you?
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[ She's not that quite that typical, so she doesn't have anything that will guarantee her summoning. ]
But the things that you know about me, that you think represent me.... that will help. I'll answer you.
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this is the first time he actually considers it. ]
I'll try. I'll try not to be a kappa when it happens.
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You are so unsightly as a kappa. Get your wish, but if you can't, I'll help.
[ She assumes if he's still a kappa, that means he still has to collect those dishes. ]